Every Time I Search
by BalthierFan6828
Summary: When Balthier is kidnapped by bandits, Basch realizes how much he cares, but Balthier just can't cope and reacts in typical pirate fashion.  Rated M. Balthier/Basch pairing.
1. Dark Eyes in the Distance

**So it's 3 A.M. and I've had too much Diet Coke and can't sleep. Since I just finished the last chapter of "To See You Again" earlier today I thought, well hell, I might as well start a new fic. This fic is rated T, mostly for cursing, and may turn to an M in later chapters. Since my last fic was Balthier/Vaan based I'm going to make this one a Balthier/Basch pairing, although I'm more giving this one to Basch because let's face it…every fic I write is pretty much about Balthier, so I think Basch needs some love. I do not own FFXII or its characters and I am not going for "perfectly in character" cuz let's face it, this would probably never happen. Please Enjoy and PLEASE review. Reviewing earns updates!**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 1: Dark Eyes in the Distance**

Basch never slept for longer than two or three hours at a time. It annoyed him, waking up just when he'd gotten settled in, especially after he'd endured a day like today. As if hiking through the desert all day long hadn't been bad enough, he'd nearly gotten his arm chewed off by a wolf, and even after several healing spells it was still tender and a bit stiff. He left the tent he shared with the others and walked out a bit from the camp, letting the cool night air calm him a bit.

"Trouble sleeping Captain?"

Basch turned at the sound of the pirate's voice and nodded, "I don't sleep much these days."

Balthier came to a halt beside him and folded his arms across his chest, "Prison will do that to one."

"Did I wake you?"

Balthier shrugged, "Doesn't matter. Besides, Vaan snores so bad I doubt I'd have gotten much sleep anyway."

Basch chuckled, "He does at that. I must say I don't much approve of her highness bringing children along on such a dangerous mission. He and the girl should be sent back to Rabanastre before they get hurt."

"She didn't bring them anywhere. Somehow we ran into her along the way. To be honest if I could have gotten rid of the boy back in the treasury I would have. I doubt he'd stay in Rabanastre if you took him back there and chained him to a post."

"What are you doing here anyway?" asked Basch, "I mean I know how you got mixed up in all of this, but why do you stay and fight with Ashe?"

Balthier shrugged and cast the older man a sideways glance, "Nothing better to do I suppose."

"I have a hard time believing that," said Basch, "I don't think you'd stick around and risk your life out of boredom. Besides, aren't sky pirates supposed to fill their time with booze and women?"

Balthier chuckled, "A common misconception. Though most pirates spend their nights in such a fashion, we are not all like that."

"I did not mean to imply such," apologized Basch, "I am sorry."

"No need for that. You should know by now that I am not easily offended, you've known me for some time now."

"I'm afraid I don't know you all that well."

Balthier turned toward him and let a mischievous smirk cross his lips, "A little sad about that are you Captain?"

Basch glanced around nervously, "I'm not sure what you mean."

The pirate chuckled, "You are naïve aren't you?" he said as he moved in closer to the older man.

Basch couldn't think of anything to say as he stood there across from Balthier, the brunette's face so close to his own that he would have only had to move forward a half an inch to capture the pirate's lips with his own. He wasn't sure why having Balthier so close was making him feel so…well, feel this.

"Everything alright Captain?"

_Gods,_ thought Basch, _I can feel his breath on my lips…_

His heart skipped a beat as the pirate closed the distance and….

Basch woke up with a start. He closed his eyes and sat up, slowly collecting his wits. _Damn these fucking dreams,_ he thought as he tried in earnest not to glance at Balthier's slumbering form next to him. He lay back down, this time forcing himself to put his back to the pirate. He laid there for a long time, time after time resisting the urge to turn around. Finally he allowed himself to flip over onto his back and stare at the ceiling. He made a point not to look over at Balthier, but if he had he would have seen a pair of dark eyes peering at him in the darkness.

_To Be Continued…_

**I know…nothing happened, but it will! All you have to do is review and then I'll update it with lots of exciting and romantic shit! Hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. Anger Misguided

**And…we're…back…Welcome! So I know the last chapter didn't have a lot of thrills and chills but I'll try to make up for that with this one. Once again, reviewing earns updates…and please enjoy.**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 2: Anger Misguided**

It was himself that Basch was angry at, but he couldn't help but snap at Balthier every time the pirate got near him, but if Balthier had noticed, he hadn't said anything. It didn't help matters that they were lost, and at this time of the day the desert was hot enough to make one sick. They'd been walking for hours, and Vaan had sworn he'd known where they were, only to shrug in defeat an hour later when asked which way they should go. He let himself lag behind for a while, not really wanting to face the others while in his current mood and found himself watching Balthier intently as the young pirate walked quickly in front of him, twirling his fluted pole in that sexy, suave way that only Balthier could manage to do. He cursed under his breath. He wasn't sure how the pirate had dug his way into his mind, but he'd been having rather disturbing dreams about the brunette as of late.

"We should split up," said Ashe, drawing Basch out of his moody thoughts.

The others grumbled and nodded as they began to team up and wander off in different directions. Basch cursed when he noticed that it was not Ashe that stood waiting for him, but Balthier, Ashe and Fran, and Vaan and Penelo were already some ways off.

"Looks like it's you and me Captain," said the pirate, a sexy smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"It would appear that way."

They walked along in silence for some time, and Basch was becoming more and more aggravated by the minute. Part of him, deep down inside, was overjoyed at being alone with Balthier, but another part of him felt that the pirate had somehow purposely planted those dreams in his head, and the dreams…however magnificent…just had to go.

"Something wrong, Captain?" asked Balthier suddenly, drawing Basch out of his thoughts.

"Hmm?, uh no," stammered Basch, hating the butterflies that rose in his stomach, "And stop calling me Captain I have a name!"

Balthier smirked, "You always call me pirate."

"That's different."

"How?"

Basch thought a minute, "I don't know! It...It just is!"

"Well when you start calling me by my name I'll start calling you by yours."

Basch rolled his eyes and started to walk faster.

"Seriously,_ Basch_," pressed the younger man, "Are you ok? You seem…I don't know…agitated."

"Goddamnit can't you mind your own business!" yelled Basch, spinning on his heels to face Balthier.

Balthier narrowed his eyes, and Basch could have sworn he almost looked…hurt.

"Fine, I'll be going _that_ way," he said, his tone irritated, "I'll meet you back where we are supposed to meet the others."

Basch wanted to call him back, tell him that he was sorry, that he was just upset because for some reason he couldn't stop thinking about him lately. He wanted those little smirky lips on his own, but he didn't call out to him. He just stood there and watched him walk away.

Balthier cursed under his breath and kicked at the sand once he was out of Basch's sight. The man had a thick skull that was for sure. Even Vaan and Penelo, mere children, had noticed the way he'd been looking at Basch longingly ever since he'd joined their little group. He sighed to himself, who was he kidding, there was no way Basch would ever be interested in a lowly pirate, especially a _male pirate._ He was glad to have this time alone to regain his composure, Balthier the sky pirate did not suffer from such pesky little emotions, or at least that's what the others needed to think. And he certainly did NOT get upset over trivial little things, but somehow Basch's harsh words didn't seem so trivial to him.

Basch just stood and watched Balthier walk away until he was out of sight. Finally, after waiting to make sure that Balthier would not come back on his own accord, he started walking off in the opposite direction. He wasn't sure how long he'd been walking when he heard the shot resound through the desert, but he spun on his heels with one thought in his mind…_Balthier is in danger._ He cursed under his breath, hating himself for letting the younger man go off by himself in the first place. He ran in the general direction in which Balthier had gone, hoping to all the gods he knew that it was some small fiend Balthier had been fighting, that he was simply shooting a…._but Balthier wasn't carrying his gun today,_ Basch realized in a panic,_ he was carrying a pole…someone was shooting at Balthier! Not the other way around!_ His stomach knotted when he saw blood glistening in the sand. _Please don't be Balthier's, _he thought, but there was a scrap of black and gold cloth, covered in blood, sticking up from the sand. He cursed aloud and examined the scene, there wasn't enough blood for the wound to have been fatal, but there was a fair amount. Then he saw it, a limp form lying in the sand not far away. He closed his eyes a moment, praying that it wasn't Balthier, before he slowly approached the body. He exhaled in relief at seeing that no, it was not the pirate, but a dirty looking man, a thief most likely. The man was indeed dead, his head crushed in where Balthier's pole had made violent contact. There were no other bodies in sight, which meant that either this man had been alone and Balthier had killed him before going on his way, or there had been others…which now had Balthier. He hoped for the former as he searched the man's person for any clues as to where he came from. Something shiny caught his eye, and he pried the dead man's hand open to get a look at what he held, immediately wishing he hadn't. A lump rose in his throat as he held up the earring that had been in the man's hand, even through the blood and bits of flesh that covered it…he would know that earring anywhere. His concern turned to terror as he scanned the horizon for the man who, he knew now, meant more to him than he'd thought.

_To Be Continued…_

**Wow that didn't come out the way I wanted it to, can't seem to get in my zone with this one, but I hope you enjoyed and Please review if you want to see another chapter.**


	3. The Clenching of My Stomach

**Ok guys, so sorry that it's taking me sooo long to update, but it's been really really hectic around here. Even now I should be doing a paper for school instead of updating this fic, but oh well. I hope you are enjoying this story, I, however…am not. It just isn't coming out the way I want it to so bear with me. Please review if you want updates. Characters will NOT be perfectly in character, because there is no way that Basch would go gaga over Balthier. Love to all you readers…enjoy!**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 3: The Clenching of My Stomach**

"Does Balthier have a lot of enemies?" asked Vaan as he turned to face Fran.

The Viera did not answer right off, but stood there a moment looking out at the horizon, as if she thought Balthier would simply come walking into camp any minute, "A pirate always has a long list of people who wish him harm."

"He may not have been taken by anyone," argued Ashe, "He probably killed that man and then ran off."

Basch cut the princess a hard glance, "Balthier wouldn't do that."

Now it was Ashe's turn to give him a look, "And since when are you so trusting of a pirate, Captain?"

Basch glanced around at the others only to find them all looking at him strangely, "I…I just know that one of our own is injured out there. Balthier would search for us if he were in our place."

"It's out of the question," said Ashe, "We don't have time for this."

"I'm going to look for him," said Basch, holding his ground, "I don't give a damn if the rest of you come or not."

Ashe said nothing as her mouth dropped open at his defiance. Fran however, put a hand on his shoulder, "I shall come with you, of course."

Basch nodded and looked to Vaan and Penelo, "Balthier is your friend. Will you not help us find him?"

Vaan looked nervously from Basch to Ashe, the latter of which who was giving him a heated stare. He knew it all rested on him, Penelo of course, would follow wherever he chose to go.

"I'm sorry Basch," he said finally, "I…I can't let the princess wander through the desert alone. Tell Balthier…"

Basch cut the young man off, "If you had anything to tell him it obviously wasn't important enough to you to go after him."

Penelo looked sad, and Basch knew that she was disappointed in Vaan's decision, but she would never say so. "I'm sorry Basch," she whispered as she passed him, "I really am."

Basch nodded at her in understanding, but didn't say anything. He and Fran glanced back at the others one last time before they walked off into the distance, both determined to find their missing friend.

They walked in silence for a long time before Fran spoke, "I am surprised by your willingness to go after Balthier. I had not realized you two were so close."

Basch sighed, "I suppose we…aren't."

"Then why cross the princess on his behalf?"

Basch didn't say anything, but Fran nodded at his expression, "I see."

"What do you see?" he asked, not daring to look at her for fear of revealing even more about his feelings.

"He returns your feelings. He thinks, however, that you do not return his."

"He…he feels…the same?"

The Viera smiled, or at least it was as close to a smile as Basch had ever seen cross her face, "Why do you think he insisted on bringing you along when we found you in prison?"

Basch thought a minute, "I suppose I never thought about it that way. You're sure?"

"I am his partner, I know these things."

"Do you think he would have run off?"

The Viera did not answer right off, "Balthier would not leave without me. Something has happened to him."

Basch sighed, "I thought as much." He handed her the earring he'd found in the dead man's hand, "You don't think he's dead do you?"

"No."

Basch wasn't sure why, but he didn't think she sounded convinced.

"You are a pretty thing aren't you?" cooed the filthy man that now stroked Balthier's cheek.

Balthier narrowed his eyes, and spit in the man's face, "Fuck you!"

The slap that crossed his face made the tiniest drop of blood spring to the surface of Balthier's lip.

"Careful Max," chided one of the other men nearby, "The good doctor wants him in one piece."

"He said he wanted him alive," the first man snorted, still eyeing Balthier creepily, "He didn't say nuthin bout em' being in perfect condition."

Balthier, bloodied and tied, tried to assess where he was as his captors talked, but he'd lost consciousness at one point during the trip, and whatever small building he was being held in was unfamiliar to him.

"Fine," grumbled the second man, "But take him in the other room. And keep him quiet, I'd like to get a nap in."

Balthier gulped, and he tried to fight back unsuccessfully as he was dragged into the next room.

"Now now," the filthy man chided, "This will be more pleasant if you don't fight back."

Balthier, wide eyed, kicked out as hard as he could, his foot catching the man square on the jaw.

"Why you…" the man bellowed. He picked himself up grabbed Balthier by the shirt, which ripped off the rest of the way, giving the pirate a chance to scramble as quickly as he could toward the door…but he wasn't quick enough. A hard blow landed on his ribs, one hard enough to make him collapse. The pain was so intense that he couldn't think straight enough to stop the filthy thief who was now looming over him from doing whatever he wanted. He willed himself to pass out, to spare himself from enduring the rape that ensued…but he didn't pass out…he just laid there bleeding and tried not to think.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review! **


	4. I Know Now

**And welcome to chapter 4! I wrote half my paper for school so I'm taking time out to update this story for you guys (woot woot). I hope you are enjoying it, and please remember that these guys are not going to be super in character. Also remember, review it…and the updates will come…still rated M, and I still don't own em!**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 4: I Know Now**

Two days passed, and Basch and Fran searched the golden sands of the Dalmascan Westersand, but found no trace of Balthier. They had met up with a trader who had said something about seeing a band of thieves carrying an unconscious man days before, but he said he hadn't gotten a good look at the man, it hadn't been his business. Eventually, the downhearted pair returned to Rabanastre to get supplies and hopefully hear some word of their friend. Basch had grown particularly despondent and bitter in the past few days, and Fran knew he was confused about what he was feeling so she didn't bother him. She left him at the Sandsea, nursing a tall glass of Madhu, and went in search of supplies, telling him he should rest for the journey…but they both knew she was just giving him time alone with his thoughts. He was so deep in those thoughts that he almost missed the conversation that floated through the air behind him. He wasn't paying attention, well…not until…

"Thought he'd be harder to break," came a drunken laugh, "I always heard him called the _infamous Balthier_."

Basch was out of his chair with his hand around the man's throat before either of them knew what had happened, "You know where Balthier is?" he growled.

The drunken man looked at him wide eyed and laughed, "Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

Basch tightened his grip on the man's throat and dragged him through the bar and out into the street. Never loosening his grip, he slung the man into a dark alley, "Tell me everything you know, or I swear this night will be your last," he threatened.

The man's were wildly clutching at Basch's fingers, and he had to loosen his grip so that the man could talk. "I know where he is," chuckled the filthy man, "Me and my mates captured him easy. Dangerous sky pirate indeed…you should have seen the bastard bleed and whimper when I had my way with him."

Basch's eyes grew dark with anger. He felt a rage bubble inside him unlike anything he'd ever felt before. His grip tightened on the man again as he hissed through clenched teeth, "You…you _touched _MY PIRATE!"

The man grinned, and Basch knew he was going to kill him. He knew without a doubt that this man's life was about to end by his hands…and he was happy. The man must have seen it in his eyes, because his own eyes clouded with fear right before Basch slammed his skull into the brick of the wall behind him. He was sure the man was dead, but he kept on slamming until bits of skull and brain covered his hands. Disgusted, he threw the corpse down into the dirty alley. He sank to the ground and sat with his back against the wall, starring at his blood stained hands. He'd never enjoyed killing, and usually spent days guilt ridden after having to take a life, but not this time. No, this time he took great pleasure in it. The only guilt he had was the guilt of having let Balthier walk away that day in the desert. The guilt of not being man enough to tell him…to tell him…that he loved him. It was true; he knew that now more than he knew anything else. The proof was in the hot tears that streamed down his face at the thought of Balthier hurt and raped. He hadn't cried in more than 20 years, but now the tears flowed freely. He sat there for a long time, and that is where Fran found him hours later, alone and covered with blood and tears.

Balthier could hear yelling, but his head ached too much for him to try and listen too much. He tried to roll over, but his broken ribs wouldn't allow it, so he just laid where he was, a small pool of his own blood around him. He was just about to pass out again when the door slammed open.

"You!" yelled one of the men, pointing a filthy finger at him. Balthier barely had time to look up before the man yanked him painfully into a sitting position. "You got Max killed!"

Balthier tried to form the word "What?" but was cut off with a punch to his right eye.

"Who is this Basch they tell me of?" the man demanded.

Balthier couldn't think straight, _Basch,_ he thought, _why is he asking about Basch?_

The man hit him again, "He killed my brother! He killed Max! Now you tell me who he is!"

Confused, Balthier didn't answer, but looked at the man dumbly.

"You're no use for nuthin!" the man shouted as he threw Balthier forcefully into the wall. The force of the contact knocked him silly, so he didn't much feel it when the impact of the floor broke his jaw.

"I just feel like we didn't do the right thing," argued Vaan.

"Balthier can take care of himself," hissed Ashe, "I'm sure he's fine."

"Either way, we're going back. I…I don't feel right about it."

Without another word, he and Penelo left the inn, and went to join the search for Balthier.

_To Be Continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! If you did, review! It earns more chapters!**


	5. Raw

**Ok, so I know like 4 reviews have come in since I updated, and I'm sooo sorry I haven't updated before now, but I HAD to finish that school paper (which I did literally two seconds ago) because it was due today. So I promise it won't take me so long to update again. It's still rated M, and reviewing still earns new chapters. Oh, and I still don't own FFXII or its characters. **

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 5: Raw**

"You killed our only lead." Fran stood in front of him, her hands on her hips, "He could have led us to Balthier. You should have let him go! We could have followed him!"

Basch didn't move, but sat staring dumbly at his blood stained hands.

"Basch! Are you listening to me?"

He looked up at her finally, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kill him."

Fran glanced down at the corpse that lay in the filth by her feet, "You crushed his skull to pieces. What did you think was going to happen?"

Basch shrugged and stood up, "It doesn't matter. His comrades will come looking for him eventually; we will get the information we need from them."

He started to walk off when Fran stopped him, "What are you not telling me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She gripped his arm, "It is not like you to kill for petty reasons. He told you something…something about Balthier."

Basch sighed, "They have him, whoever _they _are. He has been tortured. That man…" he stopped midsentence, grinding his teeth in anger, "That man…" he started again, pointing a finger at the unrecognizable corpse, "took him against his will."

Fran nodded slowly, "I apologize then, you had no choice. Come, we must question his comrades."

Vaan wasn't sure where to start his search for Basch and Fran, but he knew deep down that he was doing the right thing. Ashe followed them at a distance, angry, but unwilling to be left behind. They had retraced their steps to the desert, where they had last seen their friends. A pang of guilt erupted in Vaan's stomach; he was ashamed that he'd even thought about resigning Balthier to whatever fate he might be facing. It was Penelo who had made him see what a mistake he'd made, he hadn't thought about it like she had. In his mind, he was taking the higher road, escorting the princess and helping her to regain her throne, but Penelo had made him realize that no, he wasn't taking any higher road, he'd left a friend injured and captured, and done nothing but walk away. They made their way to the Sandsea, hoping to get a warm meal and a calming drink before they started off on their journey again. The little pub was always busy, any like any pub it had seen its fair share of drunken brawls and such, so Vaan didn't pay any attention to group of men toward the back of the pub, who were apparently trying to kill one another. He ordered a drink for himself and Penelo and slid into a cozy booth in a corner, hoping to nurse his Madhu in peace. He hadn't even managed a sip when his eyes caught a glimpse of red cloth and golden hair in the midst of the brawl, and he realized that it was Basch he was looking at.

In an attempt to make up for his earlier failings as a friend he sprang to Basch's aid, but the knight already had his sword pressed to the throat of the man he'd been fighting before he could help.

"This is your last chance," he growled, "TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW!"

A thin line of crimson ran down the man's neck, and Vaan realized that Basch's sword was digging through the man's flesh bit by bit, he'd never seen the older man so upset before, and it scared him a little. His eyes were shiny and bright, full of pure hatred and anger. The man who Basch held didn't say anything, but stood there, too terrified to speak, shaking and shivering as if he were a child. Frankly, Vaan couldn't blame him. Basch was an intimidating sight.

"You have…five seconds," warned Basch, "I swear, I will kill you right here and now."

The man said nothing.

"One."

Still nothing.

"Two."

A small whimper, but still not what Basch wanted to hear.

"Three."

The man glanced from Basch to Vaan as if he expected the boy to save him.

"Four."

"Ok!" screamed the man, "I'll tell you! Just let me go!"

Basch tightened his grip on the man's collar, "Not until you tell me what I want to know."

The man began to babble, and Vaan couldn't make out most of what he was saying, but he could tell, once again by the knight's eyes, that he had told him what he wanted to know.

Balthier opened his eyes slowly. The pain that screamed through his body almost forced them shut again. He tried to sit up, but the shard of rib that now poked through his skin prevented him from moving. He started to open his mouth in pain, only to find that his jaw wouldn't move, and hurt beyond what he had ever thought something could hurt. He let his head rest back down on the stone floor, had the man said something about Basch? Was he coming to get him? An image of Basch entered his mind, tall and golden, bursting through the door and saving him. The darkness claimed him once again, and he dreamed of a golden haired angel watching over him.

_To Be Continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Review for updates! I promise it won't take so long next time!**


	6. Poison in My Mind

**And…we're…back… Welcome to chapter 6, which I hope turns out because it's nearly 4 A.M. and even though I'm tired I can't seem to sleep. Going to go ahead and update because I have 2 papers, math homework, and 2 full discussion boards due this week so I'm probably going to be swamped by like Saturday. Hope you enjoy, and reviewing makes me update faster. Please remember that these guys will not be perfectly in character.**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 6: Poison in My Mind**

"What made you change your mind?" asked Basch as he started off into the desert.

Vaan had to jog to keep up with him, "It just didn't feel right."

Basch nodded, "We could have used your help before now."

Vaan sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "I said I was sorry ok? Besides, Balthier is a pirate; he can take care of himself. He's probably fine."

The boy didn't notice the angry look that the knight cut in his direction, "We need to hurry. I want to get there by nightfall."

Penelo knew that Fran wasn't thrilled with her or Vaan at the moment, but at least she hid it better than Basch did. Although it was obvious they appreciated the help in their search, they weren't about to let the three of them forget that they'd originally abandoned Balthier.

"Is Basch ok?" she asked the Viera suddenly, trying to show her that she did indeed care about her comrades, "He seems to be taking all this personally."

Fran glanced over at the young girl and her expression softened when she saw the genuine look of concern on her face, "He loves him," she said matter of factly, ignoring the shocked expression on Penelo's face.

"As in…"

The Viera cut her off, "Yes, _as in_ Basch is in love with Balthier, and Balthier with him."

Penelo seemed to think this over for a moment, "I'm sure he's fine Fran."

Fran sighed, "He is not fine. He has been raped and tortured."

"Oh my god!" gasped Penelo, shaking her head, "You're sure?"

Fran nodded, "Now you understand the captain's distress?"

Penelo nodded wordlessly, "I'm sorry Fran. I never…"

"The fault is not yours," she interrupted, "But be prepared that Basch and I intend to leave no survivors when we find the men who have done this."

Penelo tried to swallow the lump that rose in her throat, "I suppose that's understandable."

"He's coming for the rest of us, I'm tellin ya!" yelled one of the filthy men to the others, "He killed Max and he almost killed me! He woulda loved to, you could see it in his eyes!"

"Maybe he's the pirate's brother," offered one of the men, "Or cousin or somethin."

"I don't give a damn who he is," interrupted the first man, "I say we let the pirate go and get the hell out of here! Ain't no money worth gettin my skull crushed to bits!"

"You're the one who told him where we was! If it weren't for you we'd be safe!"

A small chorus of agreement erupted from the group of men.

"I don't care what you say," argued the first man, "I'm leavin! You all didn't see that monster, but he'll kill ya all, I swear he will!"

An obvious wave of fear moved through the group.

"Let's vote on it!" shouted one of them.

Within five minutes every last scared little man had run for his life.

Vaan and Penelo weren't sure what to expect from Basch and Fran when the little cottage where Balthier was being held came into sight. Ashe still hung behind the others, and no one had acknowledged her presence yet, so she didn't bother to give her input. The orphans could tell from the look in Basch's eyes that they didn't need to bother him, or try and stop him.

It was Basch who went in first, kicking open the door with a blood curdling scream, his sword at the ready. He was followed by Fran, who, in her anger, had exchanged her normal bow for an axe…Penelo supposed that she felt the bow to be too impersonal for the extent of the revenge she and Basch planned to take. Basch's scream echoed off the walls of the tiny cottage for a moment, but no one attacked them, and it was soon obvious that no one was there.

"They moved him," growled Basch, flinging his sword in anger to the floor, "They FUCKING MOVED HIM!" He let his fist pound into the door to an adjoining room until the wood splintered and his hand bled. It was Fran who moved forward and put a slender hand on his shoulder to comfort him, her own sorrow and disappointment showing in her eyes. They stood there together silently for a moment before Fran's large ears cocked quickly to one side. She stood still only a second or two, listening, before nearly knocking Basch out of the way to get to the door.

"He's here! I can hear him!"

Basch moved like lightening, the relief pouring off him, but he froze upon entering the room. Vaan couldn't see much with Basch in front of him, but he knew that Balthier must have been in bad shape by the way Basch hesitated to approach him.

Basch's jaw clenched visibly, his anger causing his teeth to grind and press his mouth into a thin, straight line. Balthier was nearly unrecognizable. He was crumpled on the floor, smeared with a mixture of blood and dirt, his wounds were so many that Basch was unsure where one ended and another began. He crouched beside his broken pirate and gathered him into his arms.

It frightened Penelo to see Basch cradle Balthier so tenderly, the pirate looking eerily like a broken doll in his strong arms. Even Fran did not attempt to get near the pirate, the look in Basch's eyes let everyone know that no one was to even dare touch him.

"I'll find them," he whispered over and over again to the unconscious pirate, "I'll find them and I'll kill every last one of them."

Balthier didn't move, didn't make a sound. Penelo wasn't sure whether it was from sadness or anger, or a mixture of both…but hot tears had begun to stream down Basch's face, and fall onto Balthier's blood soaked body.

_To Be Continued…_

**Ok, please review, and remember I am sleep deprived so this chapter wasn't awesome.**


	7. Blood In The Sky

**Welcome back…so many things I should be doing instead of updating…but what the hell. Enjoy my freaky little darlings…enjoy…**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 7: Blood in the Sky**

"Don't touch him!" snapped Basch, as he moved protectively between Balthier and the approaching Fran.

Fran glared at him a moment with her hands on her hips before answering, "You try my patience Captain. Move, I need to tend to his wounds."

Basch eyed her warily for a moment, as if he didn't trust her completely. She matched his stare, daring him to refuse her again when Vaan placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Come on Basch, she can help him," the boy cooed.

Basch gave Fran one last dirty look before moving out of her way.

"How is he?" asked Vaan once Fran had had a chance to look the pirate over.

The Viera shook her head, "His ribs are broken, almost all of them. His jaw is broken, as well as his left leg, and three of his fingers on his left hand."

Basch visibly tensed and Vaan once again put a calming hand on his shoulder.

"Can you heal him?" asked the boy, afraid by the look on the Viera's face.

"Mostly. He will be sore for some time, and the bruises will take a while to fade, but he'll be fine."

She cast several different spells, some of which Basch had never even heard of.

Balthier stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes slowly.

"Give us a minute will you?"

Fran gave Balthier a loving pat before she and Vaan left at Basch's request.

Balthier didn't say anything, and Basch was unsure how to say what he wanted to say, so they both sat silently for a minute.

"Are you ok?" Basch asked, afraid to say too much for fear of breaking down.

Balthier didn't answer, and Basch quickly crossed the distance between them when he noticed the tears that were streaming down the pirate's face.

"It's ok," he offered, wiping away the younger man's tears with calloused fingers, "You're ok now."

Balthier still didn't say anything, and Basch planted a soft kiss on his forehead. Balthier looked up at him, surprised, his eyes questioning.

"Fran told me," Basch explained, "I…I wish I'd known sooner."

"You're very stubborn," Balthier finally said, "I wasn't exactly trying to hide it."

Basch chuckled as he climbed onto the bed and pulled the pirate into his arms, "I know, I know. I guess I just thought it was too good to be true."

Balthier smiled to himself and snuggled farther into the older man's chest. They sat there a minute, holding on to each other, before Basch spoke.

"I'll find them Balthier," he said, his voice taking on a serious tone that made the pirate open his eyes, "I'll kill them all for what they did to you."

Balthier sat up suddenly and moved away from him, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I killed the man who raped you."

Balthier turned to face the older man, but didn't say anything. Basch pulled him back into his arms, "It's ok Balthier. It wasn't your fault."

"I don't want to talk about it."

Basch tightened his grip around him, "I won't let anything happen to you ever again."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but I love you so I don't want anything to happen to you."

Balthier tensed in his arms, "Why would you love someone like me?"

"Look at me Balthier," Basch demanded.

He turned the pirate's face toward him when Balthier ignored him, "I love you. It took me a while to come to grips with that, but not because you aren't deserving. Don't ever think that. You deserve to have the world at your feet, just let me give it to you."

Their lips crashed together in a moment of sheer passion, which lasted until they both had to come up for air. Balthier wrapped his arms around Basch's neck, "I dreamed you would save me from them," he whispered, "I knew you'd come."

Basch closed his eyes tightly at the pain that gripped his heart, "I'm sorry I didn't get there fast enough."

Balthier once again tensed visible at the mention of his rape, "I wish you didn't know about that."

"Balthier…"

"Please just stop," he begged.

"What did they do to you? You're not the same as you were before."

"Nothing."

"You can tell me Balthier," the blonde insisted, "I just want you to be ok."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me," said Basch, "It matters a lot…just talk to me."

"Basch please just leave it alone," Balthier begged.

"I can't…I love you."

Balthier stood up angrily and turned his back to the older man, "Then why do you want to hear that I was tortured? Huh? Is that what you want to know? Ok! Fine! Then you can take great pleasure in knowing that yes, I was tortured, for days…" he unbuttoned his white shirt and pulled it off, revealing dozens of scars, "See? Spells don't take away the scars Basch! Oh no they don't! What else to you want to know?..."

"Balthier…"

"You want details of how they raped me one after the other until I cried and begged for death! Is that what you want to know! Is it?"

Basch was already crossing the distance between them, and he grabbed the pirate and pulled him close. The second his head hit Basch's chest he began to sob uncontrollably, but Balthier was beyond caring. Basch picked him up and carried him back to the bed, and as his pirate cried himself to sleep in his arms, Basch knew that the next morning he was going to find those men…and kill every last one of them.

_To Be Continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review to see the next chapter!**


	8. Fading

**Ok, I'm down to one paper left to write for my finals so I thought I'd sneak in an update for you guys. Remember that these guys are not going to be perfectly in character, and that this is rated M. Also, I don't own FFXII or its characters and please review cuz I usually won't update until I get a review, I figure if no one reviews then no one is reading it and doesn't want an update. Enjoy!**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 8: Fading**

"He still isn't eating?" Basch asked with a sigh as Penelo passed him in the hall of the Strahl with a full tray of food.

The girl shook her head, "He wouldn't touch a bite of it."

"Here," he offered, taking the tray from her, "Maybe I can get him to take just a few bites."

"Ok, but Fran already tried and he wouldn't even look at it."

Basch attempted a halfhearted smile as he took the tray and headed for Balthier's room. He knocked gently, and received no answer.

"Balthier?"

Still no answer.

He opened the door and peeked inside. Balthier was sitting up on the bed, his back against the wall, looking out the small window that stared out into the desert. He didn't bother acknowledge Basch's presence.

"Balthier you need to eat," pleaded the knight, "It's been what? Three days since I've seen you eat a thing?"

The pirate still ignored him.

Basch wasn't sure what was going through Balthier's head, but he had become reclusive and silent the past few days. He refused to eat or leave his room, and for the most part he wouldn't even talk to anyone. Basch sat on the bed and pulled him close, and Balthier didn't resist, letting his head fall onto the older man's shoulder.

"Will you please eat something?"

"Maybe later," It was little more than a whisper, and it hurt Basch to hear Balthier so…broken. He knew he had no intention of eating the food on the tray, and Basch was running out of options.

"If you don't eat I'll have to start force feeding you," Basch explained, his tone apologetic but serious, "I don't want to have to do that but you're not leaving me much of a choice."

He glanced down when Balthier didn't answer, and saw that the pirate was staring off into space as if he hadn't spoken at all.

"Try and rest then," he offered, getting up and placing a kiss on his lover's forehead, "I'll be back in half an hour and I expect to see that food gone."

Balthier didn't say anything as he left.

He found Fran in the cockpit, setting their course. Like him, she also was determined to find Balthier's kidnappers and deal out some justice.

"I take it you had no luck with the food," she said as he entered.

He shook his head, "We'll have to force feed him if he persists in this."

"It wouldn't be the first time. Balthier often refuses nourishment when he is upset."

"Has he ever gone this long?"

She frowned, "No, never this long," she looked sadly over at the pilot's chair where Balthier normally sat, "I am afraid he does not know how to deal with what has happened to him."

"Did your contact find out anything?" he asked, changing the painful subject.

She nodded, "A group of bandits were seen meeting with one of Dr. Cidolfus' right hand men in a small tavern off the Phon Coast. It seems logical to think he is behind this."

"I agree. Set a course for the coast then, we'll start there."

Balthier wrapped his arms around himself as the Strahl's engines began to roar in preparation of their journey; no doubt they were off on Basch's wild goose chase to find the men who had kidnapped him. He closed his eyes, wishing for the thousandth time that Basch would just let it go. He didn't want to go after these men, he just wanted to get drunk and forget everything. How many times had he dreamed of Basch coming to his rescue? How many sleepless nights since their quest began had he spent imagining Basch falling in love with him, kissing him, holding him? But now that it had finally happened it was different. He hated the way Basch looked at him with such pity, like he was a small fragile child who needed protecting. He didn't need Basch to kill these men for him, no, he didn't need anyone. Of course neither Basch nor Fran would ever accept the fact that this was something he had to deal with alone…but he was only one man, he couldn't force five people off the ship alone. Not if they could fight back anyway…

A thought struck him, and he quickly dismissed it. He couldn't do such a thing…after all…they had come after him when he needed help, but surely they would understand. He weighed his options…he considered Basch…and then he rose from his bed and, after rummaging through his desk for a few minutes stuck a small bottle of liquid into his pocket and headed for the kitchen.

The stew which Penelo had left simmering on the stove was easy enough to drug, and Balthier felt a pang of guilt as he dumped the little bottle into the bubbling broth.

"Hungry?"

He managed to stuff the empty bottle into his pocket before turning around to greet Penelo, "No, I…I uh…just wanted some water."

She eyed him warily, "Do you want me to get it?"

"No, I can get it."

He grabbed a glass, his hands shaking slightly from lack of food and sleep, and filled it halfway with water. He'd lied about being thirsty, and he regretted it immediately when the first big gulp hit his stomach. He stood there a moment, fighting the nausea, before he fell to one knee and the contents of his stomach forced their way up his throat. Penelo ran to his aid, handing him a towel with which to wipe his mouth. He sat down on the floor and rested his back against the cabinets, a thin layer of sweat making him feel clammy and uncomfortable.

Penelo dabbed his forehead with a cloth from the table. He was grateful for her concern, and felt a little guilty about what he had just done, "Could you fetch Basch for me?" he asked in a dizzy whisper, "I don't think I can stand, much less make it back to my room."

Penelo flashed him an apologetic smile, "Of course," she stood up and started to leave when she turned around suddenly, "I'm glad you're back Balthier. Vaan and I were very worried."

He smiled halfheartedly. The guilt bubbled up in him like the stew, drugged with sleeping potions, was bubbling on the stove.

_To Be Continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed and please review if you want to see what happens next!**


	9. Betrayal by the Best

**Ok, so I finally got all my work for this semester done and turned in, so now I can dedicate some time to updating stuff. So we're up to chapter 9 of this story so I assume you know its rated M and I don't own FFXII or its characters. I also assume you realize that "perfectly in character" is not something I'm striving for in this one. And of course, review it and the updates will come. Enjoy my freaky little darlings, enjoy **

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 9: Betrayal by the Best**

When Basch awoke three thoughts hit him at once. The first was that he was not in his bed; the second was that it was strangely hot, and the third was that wherever he was, it was very bright. He opened his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the brightness in stages. Once fully opened, he found himself staring into a clear sky. He sat up, cautiously, as his head felt strangely fuzzy, and looked around. He found that he was in the desert, and that he was not alone. One by one, Ashe, Fran, Penelo, and Vaan came out of whatever strange sleep they had been under. The next thing he noticed, was that Balthier was nowhere in sight…and neither was the Strahl.

"What the hell happened?" asked Vaan, rubbing his eyes.

Basch cursed under his breath and looked over at Fran, who was already giving him a knowing stare.

"It would seem Balthier has taken the Strahl and left," she said coolly, still looking at Basch.

"What! Why?" exclaimed Penelo, "He…he left us here?"

Basch nodded, "So it would seem."

He stared back at the Viera, unspoken words hanging between them, and he could tell that his weren't the only feelings Balthier had hurt.

"Well it's a good thing we came all this way to save him," grumbled Ashe, standing up and dusting herself off.

Basch didn't bother to give her the dirty look he felt like giving her, after all, she had a point. They'd come all this way to help Balthier and now he'd drugged them and abandoned them in the desert, miles from anywhere.

"Do not be so angry with him," said Fran, whom he hadn't noticed was standing beside him; "His mind is not well right now. I am sure this is nothing personal against you."

Basch shook his head angrily, "It doesn't matter."

"We can make our way back to Rabanastre and start from there," she said, picking up her bow that had been left in the sand where she'd been laying.

"Start what from there?"

She looked at the knight warily, "Start the search for Balthier."

He turned his back to her, "I'm not going on any search for Balthier."

She was too shocked to answer right off.

"He obviously doesn't want us around," he said, "I'm not going to force my presence on him."

"You know he can't kill all those men by himself," she argued, "He's headed straight for his own funeral."

"He should have thought of that before he left us out here."

"You won't help me find him then?"

"No, as far as I'm concerned any ties I had to Balthier are severed."

She glared at him accusingly as the others stared on in silence, "Fine, if anyone else wants to join me…I'm going after Balthier. I am sure he needs our help."

Ashe said nothing, but stood with her hands folded across her chest, giving a resounding silent "no" with her eyes. Penelo looked to Vaan, who fidgeted nervously, unable to decide what to do.

"He _did_ leave us here," the boy said doubtfully, "Why go after him? He doesn't want our help."

"Balthier is not well," Fran replied calmly, "He is embarrassed and his mind is injured. He knew we wouldn't let him go after those men alone…that's why he drugged us. He was trying to keep the people he loves safe out of harm's way."

She saw Basch glance at her angrily, but chose to ignore him. Vaan seemed to be processing what she'd said, "You're sure he needs us?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Ok…I failed him once, I…I won't do it again," he said as he walked over to stand beside the Viera.

Penelo smiled, obviously happy with Vaan's decision, and joined him by the Viera's side.

Fran still looked to Basch and Ashe, who stood across from them, frowning and unmoving.

"I can understand your reluctance princess," she said, "But _you_…" she snarled, cutting her eyes to Basch, "After all that you said when we searched for him before…You said you _loved _him. That he was the most important thing in the world to you…It would seem now that you were lying."

Basch looked down at the sandy ground, but said nothing, and Vaan thought he looked sad…heartbroken even.

"Come on princess," the knight said suddenly without sparing a glance for the others, "Let's get you back to the city."

Fran, Vaan, and Penelo watched them go, saddened and a little shocked by their decision not to help.

Balthier set a course for Archades. He knew his father was behind his earlier kidnapping, and if he wanted to find the men who had hurt him that was the only place he knew to start. They had taken too much from him for him to let them live, and until they were dead he knew that Basch would only look at him with pity…something he couldn't stand…he'd kill them all, and then he'd go and find Basch. He knew the knight probably wouldn't forgive him, and it had hurt him to have to betray the man he loved, but this was just something he had to do on his own. If Basch loved him, even half as much as he loved Basch, he would understand.

_To be continued…_

**Hope you guys enjoyed! Please review!**


	10. Simmer

**So anyway I know this took a long time to get updated but things have been hectic with the holidays and all, but I promise the next chapter won't take so long to get out. I've been in a rather foul mood today so I thought it a perfect time to write this little chapter about Basch being really pissed off. Please review if you'd like updates, and enjoy.**

**Chapter 10: Simmer**

Basch wasn't angry. He was so pissed that Ashe couldn't help but notice the slight trembling of his hands as they walked through the desert, just the two of them, on their way back to Rabanastre. He hadn't said a word since they had turned their backs on the others and walked away without looking back. Ashe wasn't sure when exactly things had changed between Basch and Balthier, but ever since that day when the pirate had disappeared things had been different. First Basch had acted as if he and Balthier were extremely close, and from his reaction when they had found the pirate, Ashe had begun to think that perhaps he and Balthier were more than just close. Now, the knight had made another 180 degree turn out of the middle of nowhere, and she supposed something had happened between the two men that had made Balthier abandon them in the desert. She didn't bother to ask him about it, partially because he looked as if he were too angry to try and speak of it, and secondly because it was hot and she was tired, and she really didn't want to deal with problems that didn't really concern her right now.

Balthier's mind had gone back and forth for some time now, and for the thousandth time he thought of turning the ship around and going back to get the others. Fran, he knew, would understand. She knew him well enough to know that he would eventually come sauntering into an inn where she was staying, and the two of them would go on as if nothing had ever happened. But Basch… Basch was the one he worried about. He doubted he would understand. He knew however, that their relationship was doomed unless he did this for himself, and Basch would just have to get over it sooner or later.

Time went on, as time often does, and days turned into weeks…weeks into a month. Fran, Vaan, and Penelo had long given up their search for the pirate, and no word had been heard on his whereabouts. Even Fran feared him dead. They kept their ears open, asked every newcomer in Rabanastre…but no one had seen him, and no one had heard tell of his whereabouts. They knew he'd gone to Archades, but neither he nor the Strahl had been seen since.

As one month turned to two, one could often find Basch at the Sandsea. His face, now bearded and wrinkled with lines of grief and guilt, always carried a look of deep sadness. Vaan and Penelo took care to avoid him; it was too hard to see him like he was, and every time they did see him he had gotten worse, so eventually they just stayed away. Fran often visited him though, maybe because she was equally lost without Balthier around. Taking care of Basch kept her busy, and she welcomed the distraction.

It had been seven months since that day when they had awoken in the desert, and Fran was off to the Sandsea to collect Basch. She knew he would be too drunk to find his way back to the small apartment they now shared; after all, this was a trip she made nearly every day. It was raining that day, raining hard, which was strange for the small desert town, but welcome. Even in the rain; however, the streets were crowded and bustling. She pushed her way through the streams of people, and nearly tripped over a small stone in the street…that's when she saw him. Plain as day, not ten feet in front of her and staring right at her was Balthier. He had a small brown cloak over him that shielded part of his face, but it was him, that she knew.

He looked at her a moment, unspoken words lingering in the air between them. He looked sad, and older. She didn't dare approach him, perhaps because she was too afraid that he wouldn't really be there when she reached him. She couldn't tell if she was crying because of the rain, but she knew that if she wasn't yet she wouldn't be able to keep her composure much longer. He made no move to speak to her only stared, a myriad of emotions she couldn't read passing his face before he turned around and limped slowly away.

The limp caught her eye at once, and like a flash she was after him, the only thought in her mind that Balthier was hurt…and she had to help him. Somehow he had disappeared into the crowd. The rain blurred her vision and she couldn't spot him, she searched and searched, but still there was no sign of him. She knew he was hiding from her, making sure she wouldn't find him, and finally she had no choice but to give up and walk brokenheartedly to the Sandsea to collect Basch.

Balthier hid in an alley and watched his best friend and partner search for him. He hated himself as he watched her search…hated himself for the obvious heartbreak he'd caused her, but he couldn't go back into their lives, no…too much had happened for that. In only a few months' things had changed…and there was no going back. But he just had to see Basch one more time, one more time before he left the people he loved…and never came back.

_TO Be Continued…_

**Don't worry, you'll find out what happened. Hope you enjoyed, please review.**


	11. How Did It Come to This?

**Welcome back! I do hope you are enjoying this fic so far, cause we ain't done yet! This is still rated M, I still don't own em', and perfectly in character isn't something I'm going for. I always try and update as soon as one review comes in for a chapter, it lets me know someone out there is still reading the fic. If you're enjoying this one, check out some of my other fics, which are all either Balthier/Vaan or Balthier/Basch.**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 11: How did it come to this?**

"You've been to see Captain Ronsenburg." Balthier's head snapped to the side at Cid's words. It had not been a question.

"He was not aware of my presence," he chose his words carefully, afraid of his father's wrath.

Cid did not bother to glance up, and continued to shuffle through the pile of papers on his desk, "A deal, Ffamran, is a deal. You were to stay away from him."

"I do not see why…"

Cid cut him off with a wave of his hand, "Go near him again and I _will_ have him killed. You exchanged your freedom and your services for his life, and you will honor your part of the deal."

Balthier closed his eyes behind his heavy metal helmet. How had it come to this? How was it that he now found himself in his father's service, a judge once again, and Basch…his beloved Basch…He'd looked so broken when he'd seen him at the Sandsea. He'd been careful to stay in the shadows, careful that his love would not see him. It had been bad enough that Fran had seen him, poor Fran, how he missed her! How he missed them all…but that bridge was burned behind him. The only way to keep them alive was to stay away, Cid had made that more than clear, and Balthier knew that the old man meant it.

He supposed his father had known that he would follow the men who had kidnapped him, he'd known that Balthier would have to follow them to defend his honor, to have his revenge. And follow them he had. He'd followed them right into his father's trap. Days of torture and coaxing on his father's part had done nothing to sway him. He would _not_ come back here, to his father's house. He would not pick up where he left off…serve his father and Vayne, help them to destroy everything he held dear. But Cid knew his audience well, and used the one thing he could to make him do whatever he wished. Basch. If he didn't do exactly what he was told…Basch was going to die. He hadn't even been allowed to say goodbye.

Not that Basch would even want him back now. He had been scarred before yes, but not like now. And of course there was his ever present limp to consider now. The bones of his leg had been twisted and broken during torture, and left untreated, had healed wrong. There was no fixing it now, he would never again swagger down the street in his own cocky way, he would only limp and hobble like an old man for the rest of his life. Not that that would be long. His depression had not helped the healing process, and being tortured so had made him weak. He had suffered from a constant fever these past few months, and he had lost enough weight that the heavy metal of his armor hurt him.

He didn't argue with Cid. He knew better than that, but perhaps now that he had seen his beloved Basch one last time he could move on with his life…he only prayed it would be short…all he had to look forward to now, was the peace of death.

"Perhaps it is you who have been drinking Fran," Basch spat as he flung himself down into the first chair he saw upon entering their apartment, "Balthier is DEAD! We all know that! And you know what else?" He pointed a finger at his chest, "it's all MY FAULT!" He let out a slurred, drunken laugh, "It's my fault! The only man I've ever loved is dead because of ME!"

Fran sighed and pulled him upright in the chair, "I saw him Basch. Plain as I see you now. He is ALIVE! And I intend to find him."

Basch narrowed his eyes and looked at her, "Fran, I wish that were true," he said, his tone becoming somber, "I would do anything for it to be true, but the fact is that we will never see him again."

Fran let her anger show and slapped the drunken knight as hard as she could across the face, "Shouldn't you at least try! If there is even a chance of finding him we _have_ to try! Please Basch! I need your help."

"You really think you saw him don't you?"

"I know I saw him! And he saw me!"

He starred at her silently for a moment, "All right Fran. But I don't think you really saw him." He paused a moment with a faraway look in his eyes, "I hope what you say is true. I would give anything just to see him one last time."

"I will make the preparations. We leave at dawn," she gave his hand a reassuring pat before walking away.

He sat there for some time, the guilt building up in him again, as if often did when he thought of Balthier for more than a minute or so. He would probably never stop searching for him, looking up every time he heard the door to the Sandsea open in hope that Balthier would walk in, smiling. And every time he searched, he lost a little more hope, but he could feel a tiny spark of that hope ignite as he thought about Fran's story.

_To Be Continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review there is much more to come!**


	12. The Nothing

**And…we're…back. Welcome to chapter 12 of "Every Time I Search", a fic that I'm starting to like a little more as time goes on. All of the same housekeeping bits still apply, we're still rated M, and I still don't own FFXII or its characters. Please review and let me know your still reading, I try to update pretty quick once a review comes in!**

**Every Time I Search **

**Chapter 12: The Nothing**

Vaan wasn't sure what to say. He stared at the viera across from him for a long time, ignoring the gentle prodding of Penelo at his side, who he knew, would never forgive him if he didn't accept Fran's offer.

"How many times are we gonna go through this Fran?" he asked, his blue eyes searching hers for an answer.

"As many as it takes to find him," she replied coolly, "I was of the impression that you would be willing to help, especially since we know he is alive this time."

Vaan sighed and sipped his madhu, "Why would Balthier not have come back by now if he's still alive? And why come all this way and then not speak to any of us…without speaking to Basch."

The hurt in Fran's eyes told him he'd asked a question to which he did not have an answer, "He was injured," she said after a moment, "I did not mention this to Basch, but I think something horrible has happened to him."

Vaan held her gaze as he cursed under his breath, "The first problem I see is that we don't have an airship. It will take us weeks, maybe even months to reach Archades on foot."

"Basch has purchased an airship," Fran stated matter of factly, folding her arms across her chest.

Vaan and Penelo both stared at her open mouthed for a moment before speaking, "Basch…_bought _an airship?"

"It would seem the good captain is quite well off when it comes to gil," said Fran, "He purchased the ship some months ago…to search for Balthier."

No one said anything for a few minutes, and Vaan was the first one to break the silence, "Well that's one problem taken care of."

"If you do not want to go…"

Vaan cut her off with a wave, "I never said I didn't want to go. It's just…" he spared a glance at Penelo, who put her hand on his reassuringly, "Pen's pregnant."

Fran looked from the boy to Penelo, "I was not aware that you two were mating."

Vaan chuckled, "Mating is an awfully clinical term for it but I suppose it applies," his smile faded, "I got to think about my family Fran. If Penelo gets hurt…or I get my head blown off…I got my kid to consider."

Fran nodded, "I understand Vaan, Balthier would not want you to jeopardize your family."

"Balthier _is_ our family too Vaan," said Penelo, "I'm going…you might as well come along too."

Vaan sighed and shook his head, "I suppose arguing won't do me any good…and I do want to help find him. I mean if you really saw him…"

"I did."

Vaan nodded and looked from Fran to Penelo, "Then what are we waiting for?"

"Can you fly her?"

Vaan glanced up at Basch, whom he couldn't help but think he looked as if he'd aged seven years instead of seven months since Balthier's disappearance, "I can fly anything. What's she called?"

Basch let himself slide into the co-pilots chair, "The Nothing," he said, a faraway look in his eyes, "Aptly named for everything I have left since the moment he flew away."

"We'll find him Basch," Vaan said assuredly, "Don't worry."

Basch attempted a half-hearted smile, "I heard your and Penelo's news. Congratulations, you'll make a wonderful father."

Vaan smiled, "You just wait Basch, we'll find Balthier and then it will be just like old times. Except with a kid, and you guys can babysit."

Basch chuckled, and Vaan wondered how long it had been since such a sound had passed the captain's lips, "Sounds like a plan, but it won't quite be like old times. You forget, we no longer have our quest to aid Ashe. In fact, I don't even know where she is these days, or if she found someone else to help her."

Vaan smiled and pointed out the cockpit window into the aerodome where Ashe and Fran were approaching the ship, "It seems our princess has had a change of heart concerning our lost pirate. Fran wanted me to keep her coming a secret. She wants to help."

Basch nodded understandingly, "Looks like it may be like old times yet."

"His condition has not changed; he does not need to be moved."

Cid scowled at the old man who hovered over Ffamran's bed, "He has a job to do."

"He is DYING, Cidolfus! His job no longer matters!"

Cid looked down at his son. Ffamran was pale as the silken sheets he lay on, his shirtless, skinny frame covered in a thin layer of sticky looking sweat. He was shaking visibly in the throes of a fever, a fever that even his most trusted staff of doctors could not seem to heal, "Use the spell again," he demanded, looking away.

The old man sighed, "It will not heal him! It will only revive him enough to keep him on his feet for a few days, a week at the most. We have used it too many times already, he should have been dead months ago!"

"If he dies," warned Cid, pointing a calloused finger at the old man, "You die. USE. THE. SPELL."

The old man sighed and shook his head as he chanted an ancient spell, one that would buy the dying young man who lay before him a little more time.

_To Be Continued…_

**Hope you are enjoying, I know the last few chapters have been a little short, but bear with me, we have a long way to go. Please review!**


	13. Hazy Memories

**And…we're…back…again. All the same shit applies to this chapter as the others. Enjoy my freaky little darlings…enjoy.**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 13: Hazy Memories**

Cidolfus Demen Bunansa was a hard man, he always had been. He had never raised his son under the impression that weakness in any form would be tolerated, but even he could see that Ffamran was not going to be able to make it much longer. He was doing better than expected after his last bout of fever, although one didn't have to be a doctor to see the boy was ill. His color had changed drastically, and he had a pasty look about him. His eyes seemed to have sunk inward a bit, and were surrounded by dark shadows that never went away. He had also, Cid noticed, developed a slight trembling in his hands that he seemed unable to control. In spite of his current health condition the boy had thrown himself into his work with a speed and vigor that surprised the good doctor quite a bit. He had known that the pirate would do what he was told as long as his lover's neck was on the line, but he hadn't expected him to his job well, and with such passion. Somewhere deep inside, he supposed, it made him proud.

In truth, Balthier was forgetting who he was, although it had been a slow process…one he was not even aware of. His current state of health had not helped his state of mind, and he was often confused when he awoke from a bout of fever. Now, it was all he could do just to keep upright in the heavy armor that covered his weak body…all he could do just to breath under his stifling helmet. He pushed the thoughts of Basch to the back of his mind, and in the beginning it hadn't worked at all, but now the memories were somewhat hazy. He wondered if Basch hated him for leaving him in the desert without a word, but when he'd seen him last at the Sandsea he only seemed…sad. A pang of guilt pierced his heart at the thought of Basch, so alone, drunk and unshaven. Looking so unlike the royal knight the Balthier had fallen in love with, but he couldn't quite picture him now in any shape. It seemed like a lifetime ago, his efforts to help Ashe, his years of pirating with Fran, trying (unsuccessfully) to keep Vaan and Penelo out of trouble,….Basch… He wasn't sure how long he had been back here, in this strange new life, so like the one he had run away from years and years before, but he knew it had to be close to a year, maybe more since he'd been ripped from his old life.

"Ffamran."

"Yes father." He hadn't hesitated in stepping forward when called by his old name, and he wasn't sure when he had started calling Cidolfus father again. Somehow, without realizing it, it had just happened.

"I need you to go on an errand for me, Ffamran," said Cidolfus, still shuffling through his papers, "It is very important."

"Whatever you wish father."

He listened intently as his instructions were given, never questioning his father's commands.

"Do you understand what you are to do?" asked Cidolfus, finally raising his eyes to meet those of his son who stared back at him behind the cold, dark mask of an Archadian judge.

"Yes father. I will not fail."

Cid rose from behind his desk and put a hand on Balthier's shoulder, "I know you won't, son."

Balthier stiffened at the loving words, something in the back of his mind screaming at him that this wasn't normal…that something was off. He ignored the warning, maybe because he couldn't think straight or maybe just because he'd so often longed for his father's love and approval that he couldn't bear to acknowledge the growing feeling of wrongness in his gut. He left his father's office without looking back, the heavy clanking of his armor resounding as he limped away down the hall.

An evil smile crossed Cid's lips as he watched his son go. The serum that his lab had developed, the one he had been secretly administering to Ffamran for months now, was obviously working. The boy wasn't even aware of the fact that he was slowly losing his will to fight against him, that he was slowly forgetting his life as a sky pirate. Within a month, Balthier the sky pirate would be no more, and only Ffamran Bunansa…the great Archadian judge…son of the great Dr. Cidolfus Bunansa would remain.

When he'd first blackmailed the boy into staying here by threatening to kill that dog of a knight he was so attached to, the boy had almost been more trouble than he was worth. Although he'd had no choice but to stay he had fought against him even step of the way. But not anymore, oh he still had his moments of relapse, but they were fewer and farther in between these days. Before long, he would be nothing but a mindless slave…loyal to him and him alone. He would have been already, but the fever…the fever was something that not even he had counted on.

The storm that came out of nowhere on the second night of their journey had damaged _The Nothing_ beyond the repair capabilities that even Fran was able to perform. The group had been forced to dock in order to have the ship repaired, and it would set them back at least two weeks. Basch had taken the news hard, having let himself dare to hope that within a few days he would see Balthier again. He swore that when he did finally get the pirate back in his arms he would never lose him again…no matter what he had to do.

_To Be Continued…_

**Hope you enjoyed guys! Review for more chapters and Happy New Year!**


	14. The Beginning of the End

**Welcome back…and I hope you are enjoying the story so far. Please review and enjoy!**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 14: The Beginning of the End**

"Pull yourself together Basch," warned Vaan as he gave the knight an aggravated look, "We can't just waltz into Draklor and demand to talk to Balthier."

Basch's grip tightened on his sword. He'd waited too long for this moment to have patience now. He couldn't stand being this close, knowing that Balthier was somewhere in the building right in front of him, but not being able to reach him. He stood there with the others in the rain, not thirty feet from the dreaded Draklor Laboratory, wanting nothing more than to rush in there head first with his sword drawn, slaughtering anyone who tried to stop him. They had come out here to look around and evaluate the guard situation, and Basch had promised that he wouldn't do anything stupid, and now he was having a hard time keeping that promise. It had been nearly three weeks since Fran had claimed to have seen Balthier in Rabanastre, and he had let the hope build up in him like a steadily growing flame.

"Can't we at least get a message to him somehow," he pleaded, "Let him know that we've come for him."

Vaan frowned. He hadn't voiced his fears to the others, but he figured there was a good chance that Balthier didn't _want_ to leave. If Fran had really seen him in Rabanastre, then why hadn't he spoken to her? "I don't know of any way to get a message to him Basch. Besides we don't want anyone else knowing we're here. We've only got one shot at this; we can't afford to mess it up."

He could see the disappointment darken Basch's eyes, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He put an arm around the pregnant Penelo and drew her close, "Come on Basch," he urged, "We'll be back in a few days to get him. Besides Pen shouldn't be out here in the rain."

But Basch was already gone, running head first into a world of trouble. Vaan cursed under his breath, they had to go after him. If they let him go in there alone, he wouldn't ever be coming out.

Sometimes Ffamran, who now could not even remember the name Balthier, had a strange dream. He dreamed something of a blonde haired man with a scar on his brow. He didn't know why, but he always felt comforted when he awoke after having it. He kept thinking he knew the man's name, but every time he tried to remember, it slipped away like sand in the wind. He'd had the dream last night in fact, and he felt a strange warmth left over from it. He had recently endured another bout of fever, and his steps were weak and unsure under his heavy armor as he strode down the long hall to his father's office. He'd been summoned to come there immediately on a matter that his father's messenger had claimed required his immediate attention. That this was something his father wanted him to handle personally.

Vaan, Penelo, Fran, Ashe, and Basch were chained together and forced to their knees. They waited to find what fate was in store for them as Cid reclined in a leather chair before them, sipping a drink and smiling cruelly. They hadn't, as Vaan had known they wouldn't, made it very far into Draklor before being captured. They'd had no plan, and had not come prepared for battle, so they were easily overpowered. They heard the clanking of armor long before the door opened.

"Ah!" exclaimed Cid as the door was pushed slowly open, "My most trusted judge at last!"

The judge, whose armor Vaan did not recognize, nodded in greeting as he limped over to stand beside Cid. Fran was the only one who noticed the limp, as Basch had still not been told of it, and her stomach clenched in a way that made her want to scream. She hoped, she prayed, that what was forming in the back of her mind wasn't true.

"These…dogs," snarled Cid, "Were caught trespassing. Apparently they thought to take the place by force. I have urgent business to attend to, so I thought I'd leave them in your charge."

He smiled cruelly, knowing that Ffamran was staring at the five soaked and bloody people before him from behind his mask with no recognition. He patted his son on the shoulder as he walked past him towards the door, taking great pleasure in knowing that Ffamran was about to unknowingly sentence his friends to a horrible fate.

"Where is Balthier?" growled Basch as soon as the door closed behind Cid, "We came only for him!"

Ffamran turned to face the man he loved and removed his helmet, "Who is this Balthier you speak of?"

Basch's voice faltered and he stared wide-eyed at the man before him.

"Balthier!" cried Penelo, "Oh thank the gods! We're saved!"

Ffamran cut her a confused look but his gaze was quickly drawn back to Basch. He studied him a moment, his hazy dream screaming to him from somewhere in the blonde man's dark eyes.

"Who are you?" he asked, his voice heavy laden with confusion.

"What have they done to you?" Basch managed to ask, "Do you not recognize me?" He tried to stand, but his chains yanked him back down to the ground, "Have you forgotten that you love me? That I love you?"

Ffamran didn't say anything for a moment; he only stared back at Basch, confusion bubbling up inside him uncontrollably. He felt weak, and a little sick. He wobbled to one side, dizzy, and his arm was caught by one of the guards that stood close to him, "Master Ffamran, do you need me to fetch the doctor?" the guard asked cautiously, and it seemed to Vaan the man was more than a little afraid of Balthier.

Ffamran put a gloved hand to his temple and closed his eyes, "No, leave us. Wait outside the door."

The guard looked unsure for a moment, but he didn't dare disobey.

His eyes shot open when the door closed, and his stare fell once again on Basch as he limped closer to them.

"What's happened to you?" asked Basch, his voice quivered as he spoke.

"You speak as though we have met before."

Basch shook his head, "Something's happened to you. You're confused."

"Balthier," it was Fran who interrupted, and Ffamran almost had to tear his gaze away from Basch to look at her, "Balthier listen to me. You have forgotten who you are. This is not the life you want."

He didn't say anything, but looked back to Basch, and for a moment, Vaan thought he remembered. It was something in his eyes, like a tiny spark. All eyes were intent on Balthier and Basch, so none of them noticed when the door opened again.

"Why do I feel like I know you?" asked Ffamran as he knelt before Basch. He let a gloved hand gently touch the knight's face, "Why do you make me feel like…"

He was interrupted by a low chanting voice. Vaan's eyes snapped up just in time to see the old man finish the spell he was casting. No one said anything as Balthier's eyes changed again, "Guards!"

Basch's eyes searched those of his lover as the guards reentered the room, "Take them to the dungeon. I'll decide what to do with them later."

"Balthier! Wait!" pleaded Vaan, but the pirate didn't seem to hear him. He didn't even seem to know he was being spoken to.

_To Be Continued…_

**Hmmm. Not happy with this chapter but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! Hopefully the next one will be better!**


	15. Through the Fog

**Well my freaky little darlings this story is nearing its end. One more chapter left I think, it just all depends on how this all goes. It's 4:45 in the morning, and not only do I have class tonight but I have a million and one things to do today and it's my bf's birthday. So bear with me on this chapter. Enjoy, and please review.**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 15: Through the Fog**

"Is the goose not cooked to your liking, Ffamran?"

Ffamran stopped pushing the food on his plate back and forth long enough to look up at his father, who was waiting expectantly for an answer, "No, it's fine. I'm…I'm just not very hungry."

Cid said nothing in reply, and Ffamran was grateful that he didn't press the matter. The household had become accustomed to his lack of appetite, which had been brought on by the fever. Tonight was different though, it was not his illness that stayed his hunger, but the prisoners he had sent to the dungeon that afternoon.

He couldn't help but think that he had seen them before, especially the man with the scar on his brow. After all, he had certainly claimed to know _him_, but no, it was ridiculous to think of. What was it they'd called him…Bal…Bal…something…Balthier! That was it! The name struck a sensitive chord deep down inside him, and it made him sick to his stomach.

"I think I'll take my leave father," he said quietly, "I'm afraid I'm not feeling well."

Cid nodded disapprovingly, "I still expect you to report for your duties bright and early in the morning."

"Of course father," he muttered, "Goodnight."

He left the room quickly, pretending that he wasn't headed straight for the dungeon. He did not bother to adorn his heavy helmet, but carried it under his right arm as he limped as quickly as he could past the guards that lined the hall. They all nodded to him in greeting as he passed, and it once again seemed to him, as it had many times before in the past few months, that they looked at him strangely. He supposed though, that they were only observing his weak leg.

The guards did not question his presence there, and he got no trouble from them when he asked them to leave. He approached the cell that held the five new prisoners cautiously, wondering what he would say when he saw them. They must have heard him approach because all their eyes were on him when he came into view.

"Balthier!" It was the young blonde boy that spoke first, and Ffamran wasn't sure what he was supposed to say.

"Why do you keep calling me by that name?" he asked.

"That IS your name," said the boy, "Don't you remember?"

He stood there a moment, looking over the expectant faces of those in the cell, "Listen I'm sorry but I'm not this Balthier you are looking for. My name is Ffamran. Ffamran Bunansa."

The boy only shook his head, "I don't know what they've done to you, but you ARE Balthier. You just don't remember."

Ffamran didn't have an answer for that.

"Listen," the boy continued, "Penelo is pregnant, and it isn't good for her or the baby to be down here. Can't you let her go? Please Balthier!"

Ffamran glanced in the direction of the small blonde girl the boy had pointed at, "I'm sorry. I can't do that, but…I can have them give you some extra blankets and extra food and water as well. I'm afraid that's all I can do."

The boy sighed, "Snap out of it Balthier. They're going to kill us you know!"

Ffamran ignored Vaan's pleas and turned his eyes to Basch, "You," he said pointing a gloved finger in his direction, "Who are you? I…I feel like I've seen you somewhere."

Basch's eyes lit up with hope and he approached Balthier slowly, "You have seen me before. In fact, we…we were quite in love once."

Ffamran didn't deny it, he didn't say anything for a long while.

"I know you don't remember," said Basch, "I wish you did. I know it's something I'll never forget."

"How would I forget such a thing," asked Ffamran, getting so close to the bars that it was all Basch could do not to reach out and touch him, "But…I do feel like I know you."

"You do, Balthier," pressed Basch, "What happened to you? You can barely even walk now."

Ffamran glanced down at his leg, "You claim you knew me…before my injury?"

"Of course. How…how did it happen?"

Ffamran looked confused, "I…I don't remember."

Basch's jaw clenched, "I'll kill them for what they've done to you."

The words hit him like a ton of bricks. He could see the man before him in his mind, but he was clean shaven and less tired looking, "I'll kill them for what they've done to you" he said, but this time they weren't in a dungeon, they were on a bed. His head was resting against this man's chest.

Ffamran felt like he couldn't breathe, his heart was racing and he felt as if he would collapse. He braced himself against the bars of the cell and looked up at Basch, "What did you say?"

"I said I'll kill them for what they've done to you," said Basch. He reached his hand through the bars and stroked the other's cheek.

Ffamran shuddered at his touch. He felt it's familiar roughness and his mind reeled. It all came flooding back. He couldn't stop the flow of tears that cascaded down his face, "Basch..." he whispered.

And then he fainted.

_To Be Continued…_

**Wow, it's now 5:30 in the morning and I know that chapter sucked but I have had like no sleep so bear with me. Hope you enjoyed.**


	16. Death, Despair, and a Significant Lack

**Thank the Lord that this is the last chapter of this story. I'm sooo tired of it. Bear with me, I just got back from working out and I'm sore as hell, not to mention tired and still got homework to do. I really hope you are enjoying though, review and let me know if you are!**

**Every Time I Search**

**Chapter 16: Death, Despair, and a Significant Lack of Fairytale Magic**

As the axe was positioned on the back of Basch's neck Balthier let out a scream that chilled everyone there to their very core. It was a scream so filled with pain and despair that even Dr. Cidolfus Bunansa, for the first time in his life, felt a tiny pinprick of pity for his son. The pirate had been forced to his knees to witness the gruesome event, and even in his weakened state it took five men to hold him down. His grief was so great, and his scream so powerful, that not another sound was heard above the roaring crowd. His sobs were uncontrollable; his screams coming one right after another, and Vaan, through his own tears, thought they would never stop. Penelo had passed out at some point, and Ashe and Fran were doing their best to stay composed, to stay strong even now.

Basch himself did not falter; he did not beg or cry. He stood there, hands tied behind his back, looking at no one but Balthier. His face showed regret, loss, heartache, and most of all an unconditional love for the man who screamed in the crowd. Everyone present could tell that he was more worried about Balthier than he was about himself.

He was about to die.

The very idea of it caused another scream to rip its way out of Balthier's throat.

**The Previous Night**

"Goddamnit Balthier please wake up!" Basch begged through the bars of his cell, "Please!"

The unconscious pirate did not stir.

Basch reached out through the bars in a useless effort to touch him, to shake him awake before someone found him and took him away. He couldn't quite reach him, and he thought he could hear the clanking armor of the guards. Just when he was about to give up, Balthier stirred.

"Balthier! Thank the gods you're awake!"

Balthier's mind was a little foggy, but he sat up slowly.

"Balthier, can you get us out of here?" asked Vaan hopefully.

The pirate shook his head, "They don't give me keys to the cells, only the head guard has those."

"Can you steal them?" the boy asked.

"It won't be easy, but I don't see any other way of getting you out of here."

Basch grabbed his hand through the cell bars, "I don't want you taking any unnecessary risks Balthier. Just get out of here."

Balthier smirked, "Now that wouldn't be in keeping with being the leading man now would it? I'll be back as soon as I can. Just hang tight."

Basch pulled him in as close as the bars would allow and kissed him, "Be care, please. I just got you back; I don't want to lose you again."

"How very touching." Everyone froze at the sound of Cid's voice, "Well Ffamran you disappoint me yet again."

"Just let them go," Balthier pleaded, "You have me, there's no point in keeping them here."

"I don't intend to keep them here," chuckled Cid, "I intend to kill them."

Balthier tried not to panic, "You're just being cruel, killing them gains you nothing. Please."

Cid just smiled, "Don't worry Ffamran. In a few days you won't remember any of this. After another dose of the memory serum we've been slipping you over the past few months you won't care."

"Just kill me too," pleaded Balthier, "Don't make me live without him."

Cid shook his head, "Sorry Ffamran. You're worth more to me here."

"Cid, listen to me," said Basch, "Just take me instead. These two are just children, not to mention orphans. They are no risk to you, besides, the girl is pregnant. The viera is also no risk to you, let her go as well. And we all know you need the princess alive, you can't kill her. I'm willing to die in their place. Just let them go."

"Basch no!" begged Balthier.

Cid seemed to think a moment, "Very well Captain Ronsenburg, you die at dawn." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" Basch yelled after him, "How do I know you'll keep your promise? How do I know you'll let them go?"  
>Cid laughed, "You don't Captain." He grabbed Balthier by the arm and thrust him into the waiting arms of two guards nearby, "Until dawn then Captain."<p>

**Eight Years Later**

"Hello Fran," said Vaan, "I thought I'd find you here."

Fran smiled and glanced down at the small boy that clung to Vaan's hand, "It is good to see you Vaan. Your son has grown quite a bit since I last saw him."

Vaan nodded, "I can't believe it myself sometimes, how time flies so fast. I…I can't believe it's been eight years."

Fran's expression saddened, "I miss them both terribly."

"So do I, Fran, so do I."

"I am not sure I will ever rid myself of the guilt," she said.

"Fran it wasn't your fault," said Vaan sympathetically, "We all knew Balthier didn't want to live once Basch died. If you'd gotten there in time he'd only have tried it again."

She nodded sadly, "I just wish I could have saved him."

"I know, Fran."

She laid two small bunches of flowers on Balthier and Basch's graves, and the two old friends stood there together for a while, until finally Vaan hoisted his little boy up on his hip and made his way back to Rabanastre. Fran stayed by Balthier's grave for a long time, soon she would board the Strahl and take off for destinations unknown, and no one would see her again until the following year when she came back to put flowers on the graves of her partner and the man he loved.

The End.

**Hope you enjoyed. **


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